When the work in Chapter One is only – mostly done, you need a Chapter Two to get it –really done. Let me quickly summarize Chapter One, the Pinion Nut Episode.
While I was out riding my bicycle with Lance Armstrong, juiced up with synthetic testosterone, I decided I had to remove my pinion nut in order to fix a leaky rear end. The pinion nut could not be removed in the regular way, so I split the nut, found a replacement nut, installed the pinion oil seal, put the nut back on. Voila, done, finished, happy ending.
Not so fast Alice! A couple of days after this alleged happy ending, the rear end spun on the stand that was holding it and ended up pointing straight down. No big deal, the new oil seal would work. However two days later, Dale came by and casually asked what that dark stuff coming out of my rear end was. After I checked that my Depends were not leaking, I too saw that a pool of oil had leaked out of my truck’s rear end. This was not good. Obviously my earlier work was not done correctly.
My first thought was that I had purchased the wrong oil seal. Remember my 1954 ¾ ton truck is special and if I don’t put “pretty please with a cherry on top” on my order, the parts companies send the ½ ton part – which doesn’t work. I carefully looked at the part description and sure enough it was not the ¾ ton version. I call the store and they confirmed it was only for the ½ ton truck and they did not have one for my special needs vehicle.
After spending the next few days searching the internet parts stores, I could only fine one store that had the correct part, or so they stated - Bill’s Truck Store in Canada. When I called I actually got Bill, this had to be a sign. He was very helpful, gave me some tricks to try, and said to send in pictures of the old part so he could double check to make sure the new part was correct. After many calls and emails it turns out that the new part I had was what he sold and should work. Now what??
I decided to test the oil seal and see where it was leaking. I would put the parts together, put oil in the seal, and then observe the results. Perfect, I just had to get some type of oil for the leak test as I didn’t have any transmission oil, and isn’t oil, oil.
This reminds me of another time where I used a substitute oil instead of the correct ingredient. I was making dinner for my 13 year old daughter at the time. She loves macaroni and cheese, the kind in the box. I, coming from the ‘any ingredient’ will work culinary school, wanted to substitute something for the two tablespoons of BUTTER called for in the instructions. Cooking oil is like butter, right? And Olive oil is the best oil, right? Nothing but the best for my little girl.
Well it turns out not all oils are created equal. Brooke had her brand new FDA/USDA 100% pure taste buds set for real Mac and Cheese. As soon as the first solitary macaroni touched her tongue, it was like someone with a gun going through airport security – alarms, sirens, flashing lights. No way Jose! She ended up eating frozen waffles that night for dinner. Even I had to admit that olive oil did have a distinctive flavor that infused the Mac and Cheese with a taste you could not forget. I called Rachel Ray and told her to cancel this recipe.
Well for my oil seal leak test I opted for vegetable cooking oil, the seal didn’t leak. My conclusion was that I didn’t know what was going on and that unless my truck was pointed straight down, in which case I would be worried about a whole host of other things than a leaky rear end. I was putting it back together and living with mostly fixed.
Everything went back together just as expected, but now I had to tighten the pinion nut with 160 to 220 foot pounds of torque. Next time I make Mac and Cheese I think I might add a little Torque, it has to be better than olive oil. If you remember from chapter one, I needed a 1-5/8 inch Huge Ass socket to do the deed. Tightening the pinion nut was a two person task and required some create use of bars and other parts to keep things from spinning while you are torquing down the nut. I concocted a U-bolt, angle iron device to attach to the pinion flange and then had my lovely wife hang on for dear life while I was busy torquing the nut. With both of us about to bust a chitlin, we got to 160 fps of torque. Hallelujah!
The first thing I noticed was my nice U-bolts now looked like L-bolts, fixing this will be Chapter Three. My wife is one strong Mamacita. The second problem was the slots in the pinon nut where the cotter pin slides through did not match the hole in the shaft. What this means is that I had to tighten the nut more in order get all the slots and holes into perfect celestial alignment.
My previous technique was not going to work; another way to tighten the nut had to be used. I resorted to the time tested solution – Manly Power Tools. The first thing I did was grind a 16th of an inch off the Huge Ass socket so it would fit all the way down on the pinion nut, then I plugged in the air compressor and put on the air impact wrench. It was like magic, the air tool neatly moved the nut so everything lined up. It took 5 seconds. In retrospect I think it would have even taken the nut off in the first place instead of having to split it. Live and learn, testosterone is the best way.
If anyone wants some Mac and Cheese, I do have leftovers.
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