The Engine Stand

My buddy Brian has been extremely accommodating on this restoration project – giving me advice and loaning me much needed tools. However, restoration projects are a contagious affliction and Brian must not have washed his hands the last time he came over. He is now rebuilding a TR6 and needs his engine stand. I am glad to return it - I just need to take off my truck engine first.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of “pulling an engine”, once you remove it from the vehicle, you have to put it somewhere. That would be the engine stand. The engine stand looks like a bright orange hospital tray holder. You know, the kind with wheels where they roll it under your bed holding a tray of Salisbury steak and green congealed desert, and instead of the tray there is a huge ass engine connected to it.

After many months of working on the truck project, I am feeling my mechanic oats and am ready to tackle the task.– first you bolt the chains to the engine, then you jack up the engine lifter, next undo the engine from the engine stand, and then like a downy feather floating through the air, lower the engine to the floor. What could be easier?

“And now for the rest of the story” as the great radio personality Paul Harvey would say.

With all the confidence of first time firewalker I begin the removal process. Step one take off the valve cover, step two find three bolts that can be removed, step three attach the chains, and step four lift everything off the floor. This is like taking your first two steps on the bed of coals – so far so good, just don’t slow down.

Step five is where you separate the engine from the engine stand. Visualize the scene; the engine lifter is a huge green framework of metal arms and legs on wheels - somewhat resembling a praying mantis with chains hanging from its mouth. Hanging from these chains is a large blocky engine, its prey. And the engine is attached to a large orange hospital tray holder. Doctor Sherman is just about to perform the detachment procedure.

Enough with the imagery you mechanic wannabe, take the engine stand off already. I proceed to remove the bolts holding the two together. As I get the last one off – time stands still. With the weight of the engine stand removed, the five hundred pound engine moved into its new equilibrium position, which happened to be with the front pointing down at a forty-five degree angle.

Once the engine found its new happy place, it proceeded to dump about three gallons of antifreeze that had been hibernating in the engine for the past twenty years onto the floor. Time didn’t really stop, I did, I was frozen, all I could do was just watching this big red stream pour out of the engine. At my age I was in awe seeing a stream this big. There was a two inch high tsunami of antifreeze slowly engulfing my garage.

Finally it started to slow down and dribble out, this is when the spell was broken and I came back to reality - I knew how to handle a dribble. Well it took about thirty minutes to clean up the spill. All I could think of was scene from Carrie when they dropped the bucket of antifreeze on her.

Brian arrived after all the evidence was removed and we gently lowered the engine to the floor like a downy feather.